Funny Football Quotes: A Strange Choice Of Words

Silly football quotes.

'The Funny Side Of Football' was recently released for kindle, and it collects a variety of amusing quotes from footballers, managers and pundits.

Here are a few quotes from the chapter 'A Strange Choice Of Words (Part 1)' which show that footballers and pundits apparently use a different dictionary from the rest of us...

1) “When David Beckham leaves the game, it will take a very special player to come in and carry the mantelpiece.”
…Sophie Nicolau

2) “I was inbred into the game by my father.”
…David Pleat

3) “That was never a penalty in a million planets.”
…Alan McInally

Euro 2016 Statistics

Here are a few statistics from Euro 2016...

A look at the statistics from Euro 2016.

1) Portugal became the 10th country to win the European Championships.  The previous countries to have won are USSR, Spain, Italy, Germany, Czechoslovakia, France, Holland, Denmark and Greece.

2) Antoine Griezmann won the Golden Boot with six goals throughout the tournament, the highest total since Michel Platini in 1984.

3) In Iceland around 150,000 viewers watched Iceland beat England, and only 298 viewers watched the other channels!  That equates to around 99.8% of Iceland's TV viewing public watched Iceland beat England. #AudienceShare

Some of the stories from Euro 2016

1) The usual pre-tournament optimism

Looking at the teams in this tournament, England could actually win the darn thing.

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) June 25, 2016

'Doing A Leicester'

When football impacts on language...

Leicester City’s success has had such a powerful impact that it’s inspired the use of a new verb in the English language.  To ‘do a Leicester’…

The English Dictionary, Montgomery-Smythe Publishing Associates 2017 Edition:

Leicester
verb
1. To ‘do a Leicester’.  To enter a competition or contest as an underdog thought to have little or no chance of winning, and yet achieve unexpected or astonishing success.
Example: ‘I hope we can do a Leicester next season.’  Antonym: To ‘do a Chelsea’.
2. To make an impossible dream come true.

. . . . . . . .

Here are a few examples…

Sporting headlines:

“Former Huddersfield Town man out to ‘do a Leicester’.”

“James McCarthy urges Scotland to ‘do a Leicester’.”

Leicester Pre-Season Predictions Proved Wrong

Before the season started, both fans and pundits alike got it spectacularly wrong with their predictions for Leicester City and their opinions of Claudio Ranieri's appointment as manager.

With Leicester now on the verge of writing one of the greatest sporting stories of all time, here are a selection of tweets where the hashtag #BenefitOfHindsight comes to mind...

Claudio Ranieri? Really?

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) July 13, 2015

Big name bad choice in my opinion ! Time will tell ! Hopefully I'm wrong #foxesneverquit

— Robbie Savage (@RobbieSavage8) July 13, 2015

Leicester go 8 points clear

+ The Merseyside derby + Who do neutrals want to win the Premier League?

1) Leicester go 8 points clear with a 2-0 win over Swansea

A little gift for all those people who said Leicester would struggle without Vardy. #bbcfootball #LCFCSWA pic.twitter.com/4omLosOkuX

— Stuart Chaplin (@StuiC) April 24, 2016

Jonas Gutierrez wins his court case against Mike Ashley

+ Klopp the miracle worker + Player of the year nominees.

1) Jonas wins his court case

Ashley , one thing, you dont understand newcastle, you dont understand The fans and The city. We deserved more. We are The geordie nation

— Jonas Gutierrez (@elgalgojonas) April 14, 2016

Jonas Gutierrez has won his £2m case against Newcastle.

Even in the courtroom Newcastle can't get a win. pic.twitter.com/rbQW31dKAx

— TheSportsHangout(@Sports_Hangout) April 14, 2016

Pardew For England

+ Financial Ambitions and Freedom Of Speech.

Pardew For England. #AprilFools

1) Pardew For England

Back at the beginning of October, Crystal Palace were sitting fourth in the league (ahead of Leicester City on goal difference) and Alan Pardew, getting a bit carried away with his own ego, was talking up his England manager ambitions.

Fast forward six months and after picking up 3 points from 12 league games (3 draws and 9 defeats), Crystal Palace finally achieved their first league victory of 2016.  Not surprisingly, Ian Wright and all the other members of the Alan Pardew Appreciation Society were strangely quiet during this run of form, but you can rest assured that they'll no doubt be out once again in force singing Pardew's praises the next time Pardew achieves his traditional tri-seasonal five match unbeaten run. #PardewForEngland #irony

The football week in tweets (12/04/2016)

1) Leicester beat Sunderland two nil and qualify for next season's Champions League

Approximate heatmap of N'golo Kante's coverage so far this game #LCFC #bbcfootball pic.twitter.com/TTC1T3OgPs

— JT (@TweetsByJT) April 10, 2016

Champions League format

+ UEFA double standards and Newcastle United profits.

1) Champions League changes

When discussions about changes to the format of the Champions League format were held earlier this year, some of the big clubs were reportedly in favour of automatic qualification.  To support this argument Charlie Stillitano, co-founder of the International Champions Cup was quoted as saying...

"What would Manchester United argue?  Did we create soccer* or did Leicester create (it)?"

* #USASoccerguy #awesome

It's a stupid quote, because obviously the history of football is far bigger than any one club, not to mention the fact that neither Man United nor Leicester were part of the original line-up for the Football League back in 1888-89 which was won by Preston North End.

To be fair, Stillitano has since claimed, "I think, honestly, that was misquoted," but whatever the truth of the matter he's recently clarified his position with the following statement...

The Football Week In Tweets (01/04/2016)

1) The international break

55,799,430 - Number of football fans wondering what on earth they're going to do this weekend. DIY.

— OptaJoke (@OptaJoke) March 26, 2016

2) England beat Germany 3-2 #GERENG

Football is a simple game where 22 players kick a ball around for 90 minutes and at the end Germany give away a 2 goal lead.

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) March 26, 2016

'Always look on the bright side of life...' #GERENG pic.twitter.com/EMXjOc1y7o

— Football Hashtags (@Ftball_Hashtags) March 26, 2016

Newcastle fans in rare agreement with Mike Ashley

+ Claudio Ranieri, the international break, and Jonas Gutierrez.

1) Toon fans agree with Mike Ashley for once

"We wish he'd never bought Newcastle."

It's not often I agree with Mike Ashley, but in his rare interview earlier this week, he made the comment...

"I wish I'd never bought Newcastle."

...and I'm sure thousands of Newcastle fans responded by vigorously nodding their heads in agreement.  However, the rest of Ashley's interview earlier this week, was back to his usual deluded rubbish.

He claimed Newcastle had had 'a proper go at it this season,' and added...

"I think everyone can agree with that."

No, Mike.  Nobody agrees with that.  If they're honest #whichtheyrenot, even the talentless 'Yes Men' you surround yourself wouldn't agree with that, although they wouldn't tell you that to your face.

How have Newcastle had a proper go at it exactly?  Compare Newcastle's squad with other Premiership squads.  You seriously think Newcastle are good enough to have a 'proper go', Mike? #deluded #helivesinafantasyworld  And looking beyond the squad, the bigger problem is the culture at the club which is the absolute blueprint on how not to run a football club.

The Football Week In Tweets (25/03/16)

1) Twitter predictions

We all get it wrong from time to time as demonstrated by this first tweet... #benefitofhindsight

Leicester City owner wants to spend £180m as he thinks that'll get them top 5 in the Prem within three years... #deluded

— Josh Hill (@joshill5) May 13, 2014

The biggest shock in football history...

...dodgy voting, traditional methods, and the battle for the top four.

1) The biggest shock in football history?



Notable historical football achievements were discussed this week.

The Guardian website recently asked the question, "Would Leicester winning the title be the least likely thing you've seen in football?"  Fans were quick to suggest other major footballing achievements against the odds, including:

i) Spurs winning the FA Cup in 1901 as a non-league side.
ii) Notts Forest winning promotion in 1977, winning the league the following season, then winning the European Cup the season after that.
iii) Denmark winning the Euros in 1992.  They originally didn't even qualify and only received a spot at the last minute when Yugoslavia were disqualified from competing.
iv) Greece winning the Euros in 2004.

However, the biggest shock of all was posted by one Newcastle fan with a sense of humour who remarked, "I once witnessed Newcastle score away from home." #jokebasedintruth

Selective eyesight...

...resting players, novelty bets, and lowly ambitions.

1) "I didn't see it."

Football fans model football strips suitable for Benteke and Bolasie.

After Liverpool were awarded a last minute penalty against Crystal Palace last week, Alan Pardew was very vocal in his criticism of Christian Benteke for going doing extremely easily under minimal contact.

"That touch doesn’t warrant the dive he makes," Pardew complained.  "It’s a worrying issue in the game.  If that touch warrants a collapse like that, then wow, we really need to say, ‘Come on!’”

So after his own player Yannick Bolasie won a penalty by going down very easily in the box against Reading after Jake Cooper's hand lightly brushed his chest, was Alan Pardew just as critical about this 'worrying issue in the game'?  Unsurprisingly, Pardew instead avoided the issue by joking, "I don’t really think you should ask me because, obviously I ain’t got a clue about penalties after last weekend." #hypocrite #selectiveeyesight #dodgedlikeapolitician

It's not just penalties you don't have a clue about, Alan.  You don't have a clue about integrity either. #doublestandards

Hypothetical league tables...

...FIFA, team work and agendas.

1) How the table would finish based on form so far this season

If Spurs, Arsenal, Man City, West Ham and Man United were to get the same average number of points per game as they have done so far this season, Leicester would only need 13 points from their last nine games to be champions. #hypothetical #justabitoffun

This how the top six would finish up...

1 Leicester - 79
2 Tottenham - 72
3 Arsenal - 68
4 Man City - 68
5 West Ham - 64
6 Man United - 62

* Points totals rounded to the nearest point.

So as Leicester are currently on 60 points they would only need 13 more points to be champions.

Obviously, you would expect at least one or two of the top six to put together a strong run in, so the above statistics don't actually mean anything, other than underlining what everyone already knows, namely that the chasing pack are going to have to up their game to have a realistic chance of taking the title.