Dear LA, You're Welcome

Today, Zlatan Ibrahimovic's move to LA Galaxy was announced via a full page advert in the LA Times, so in honour of Zlatan, here are a few Zlatan 'facts'...

Dear Los Angeles,
You're welcome.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic

1) Zlatan can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

2) Zlatan can play a violin with a piano.

3) Zlatan can squeeze orange juice from a banana.

4) Zlatan lost both his legs in a car accident but still managed to walk it off.

5) When Zlatan crosses the road, cars look both ways.

6) When Zlatan enters into a courtroom, the judge stands up.

7) Zlatan can rip a page out of facebook.

8) When Zlatan was born, the doctor declared, "It's a man!"

9) Zlatan donates his beard clippings to the army so they can make kevlar vests.

10) You can't use 'Zlatan' as your password because it is 'too strong'.

11) When Alexander Graham Bell created the telephone, he already had three missed calls from Zlatan.

Hollywood prepares for Zlatan's arrival.

12) Zlatan once went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.

13) When Zlatan does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

14) Zlatan was approached to star in Mission Impossible. But he refused because he found the title insulting.

Finally, a word of advice from a fellow professional...

15) "Dear Zlatan,

Are you sure this is a prudent career decision? I have heard that the show business types populating LA stay up well beyond a reasonable bed-time and the price of English tea in America is exorbitant.

You're welcome,

James Milner."

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'The Funny Side Of Football' is available for kindle from Amazon.